Not Just A Spray Tan

Like Snoop Dogg preparing for 4/20, Tanner Roark keeps rolling, putting up a line of 7.0 IP, 1 ER, 5 Hits, 2 BBs, 5 Ks against the Mets.  I’d be upset about Roark’s surprising success...

Like Snoop Dogg preparing for 4/20, Tanner Roark keeps rolling, putting up a line of 7.0 IP, 1 ER, 5 Hits, 2 BBs, 5 Ks against the Mets.  I’d be upset about Roark’s surprising success this year if Giolito wasn’t looking worse than Lady Gaga making a walk of shame after the Grammys.  Anyway, I still believe he’s playing well above his ability and it’s going to come crashing down at some point, which would make him a prime sell high…but his future first half schedule is way too beautiful. He doesn’t have a single non-weak opponent (well maybe the Dodgers) for the next two months.  Seriously, it goes Phils -> Reds -> Phils -> Padres -> Dodgers -> Mets -> Reds -> Mets.  What the hell man, that’s just not fair.  Guess you gotta go for it unless someone is willing to overpay.

Let’s see what every other SP did yesterday:

Steven Matz – 8.0 IP, 0 ER, 4 Hits, 1 BBs, 7 Ks. Aces gonna ace.  Funny how people thought grabbing Matz around pick #110 was “a huge reach”.  Sounds like my…ahem…wingspan.

Scott Kazmir – 6.0 IP, 1 ER, 4 Hits, 2 BBs, 12 Ks. So Kazmir struck out 12 Reds batters.  Whoop de do. Good luck doing that against the Cubs next week.

Dan Straily – 7.0 IP, 3 ER, 3 Hits, 1 BBs, 11 Ks. Ugh, why do you have to do this Straily?  This is just going to confuse everyone. No, you don’t want to be hunting down Straily. Fine, if you’re in a really deep league and there’s nothing else there, sure go after him.  For everyone in standard leagues, Straily holds a near 4.00 BB/9, and a 4.19 FIP/4.25 xFIP.  This has disaster written all over it.

Corey Kluber – 7.1 IP, 1 ER, 7 Hits, 1 BBs, 9 Ks. Aces gonna ace.  I believe in the Klubs and so should you.

Junior Guerra – 5.0 IP, 0 ER, 4 Hits, 4 BBs, 6 Ks. To make up for Roark, you can sell high on Guerra as some people may see his strikeout production as of late and give you some worthy fella for it.  Let them do it, Guerra isn’t a guy you want to roster for a while.

Jake Peavy – 6.2 IP, 1 ER, 6 Hits, 1 BBs, 4 Ks. Yeah, whatever Peavy.

Mike Foltynewicz – 5.2 IP, 1 ER, 4 Hits, 4 BBs, 7 Ks.  Our Call Boy was really good – not great given the four walks that inflated his WHIP – but seven Ks and just 1 ER good.  I will certainly take this and smile later when I have alone time.  STOP WATCHING ME.

James Shields – 6.0 IP, 2 ER, 5 Hits, 1 BBs, 6 Ks. Shields is trying so hard to pull a Mulan and make a fan out of me as he lowers his ERA to 3.06 on the season with his BB/9 falling to a not-so-hideous 3.20.  Look, I can understand if someone wants to roll with him against the Mariners next, but I wouldn’t suggest it.  This isn’t going to end well.

Steven Wright – 7.0 IP, 2 ER, 7 Hits, 2 BBs, 7 Ks. I guess you have to keep rolling with Wright though I still don’t believe this for the long haul.  Freakin’ knuckleballers.

Jose Quintana – 6.0 IP, 3 ER, 5 Hits, 1 BBs, 8 Ks.  Quintana allowed 3 ER after the first three innings and gave you another three because you need that QS.  THAT’S MY MAN.

Marco Estrada – 7.0 IP, 3 ER, 4 Hits, 4 BBs, 2 Ks. Bleeeeeeeggggg- Are you done ye- gggggghhhhhhhhhh.

Hisashi Iwakuma – 7.0 IP, 3 ER, 8 Hits, 0 BBs, 4 Ks. Iwakuma has set up his office of boredom where the only magazines are Dental Review and Men’s Plywood while Paper Clips: Bent Out Of Control is playing on the TV. 

Ivan Nova – 6.2 IP, 4 ER, 7 Hits, 2 BBs, 8 Ks. At least the Ks are returning.  That’s all I’ve got here.  There may be a time he strings together a collection of good outings, though I wouldn’t bank on it in the short term.

Tyler Wilson – 6.0 IP, 3 ER, 6 Hits, 0 BBs, 4 Ks. Tyler, I wish you were more like Wilson tennis balls.  You know, soft, fuzzy and really fun to toss out there.

Collin McHugh – 5.1 IP, 3 ER, 8 Hits, 1 BBs, 10 Ks.  I don’t know how to feel.  I want to get excited as he generated 20% whiffs on his Cutter and was able to throw his hook for strikes like WHOA but then again his Cutter isn’t getting the vertical drop that it should and I’m scared.  I feel like this is more of a flash in the pan than a turned corner.  You know, if you turn a corner, it’s still a corner.  Dude, that’s waaaay too literal.

Matt Andriese – 6.0 IP, 3 ER, 8 Hits, 1 BBs, 6 Ks.  After this start, Andreise has a 5.60 K/9 and a 4.25 xFIP.  Just sayin’.

Aaron Nola – 6.0 IP, 4 ER, 7 Hits, 1 BBs, 6 Ks.  I still love Easy A (mash of Big Easy and his first name –> he’s top of the class) despite giving up four runs since he still gave us a bearable WHIP and six strikeouts.  After all, this was against the Tigers.

Justin Nicolino – 5.2 IP, 3 ER, 8 Hits, 1 BBs, 6 Ks. Nicolino is a name you probably forgot and there’s a reason why.

Tyler Duffey – 6.2 IP, 5 ER, 9 Hits, 2 BBs, 5 Ks.  That’s his second straight poor outing, though his FIP is sitting at a 3.31 with a near 8.00 K/9 and sub 2.00 BB/9.  Stick with him guys, at least for his next two starts against the Rays + Marlins.

Jeff Locke – 6.1 IP, 4 ER, 7 Hits, 1 BBs, 1 Ks.  He’s more lost than John on that stupid purgatory island.  I wasted so much time watching that.

Anibal Sanchez – 6.0 IP, 3 ER, 8 Hits, 1 BBs, 5 Ks.  There’s no hope for Anibal.  Seriously.

Jake Arrieta – 5.0 IP, 4 ER, 7 Hits, 1 BBs, 4 Ks. Whaaaaat.  Arrieta, you had a chance to easily stand tall over Sale given his bump in the road and you keep the door open like a 6-year-old afraid of the dark. Ugh, whatever just give me a no-hitter next time out and we’re cool.

Carlos Martinez – 5.0 IP, 6 ER, 6 Hits, 3 BBs, 7 Ks. He’s been a sell for about a month, too bad that stock is now worse than the chicken variety I made last night. And I’m a horrible chef, like if Mike Tyson had his own cooking show.  Okay, I would totally watch that.  Should it be like Emeril Live or more like Top Chef?  Ohhhhh good question.

Rubby De La Rosa – 4.1 IP, 5 ER, 9 Hits, 0 BBs, 4 Ks. So glad to have Rubby back in the rotation…not.  Seriously, when was the last start this year where a guy returned from at least one missed outing and was super impressive?  All I can think of is Matz and he’s super baller so I’m letting that one slide.

Colby Lewis – 5.0 IP, 6 ER, 8 Hits, 1 BBs, 1 Ks. And that’s why we don’t roster Lewis.

Dillon Gee – 4.0 IP, 5 ER, 10 Hits, 1 BBs, 6 Ks. I originally skipped over this pitching line because I had nothing to say.  What do you want?  Gee is as much of a pushover as his name suggests.  Aww Gee, that’s not nice Nick.  Neither is that stat line.  Fair point.

Hector Santiago – 2.1 IP, 5 ER, 5 Hits, 2 BBs, 2 Ks. I dropped Santiago from The List on Monday and I hope you can see why.   Yeah Nick, it’s pretty obvious.  Sure, but can you also see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?  

Chad Bettis – 4.2 IP, 7 ER, 7 Hits, 4 BBs, 2 Ks. Bettis has limited upside, pitches his home games at Coors Field, and doesn’t deserve a spot on your team. This should be the blurb for every Colorado starter not named Gray and maybe even Gray.

Zach Neal – 4.0 IP, 7 ER, 8 Hits, 0 BBs, 1 Ks. It was his first big league start and it was pretty painful.  Not like we had any sort of expectations, though.  He’s just a Cup of Schmo after all.

Today’s Streamers

Matt Wisler vs. Milwaukee Brewers – I feel weird endorsing Wisler after he’s been so mediocre and risky, but he’s had back-to-back 7 strikeout outings and gets the Brew Crew, which is better than whatever else you can find on the wire for Thursday.

Tomorrow’s Streamer

Michael Fulmer vs. Oakland Athletics – Fulmer figured it out last time out by using his Changeup more frequently, earning 11 Ks against another weak team.  Look for him to capitalize, and if you need more options, you can take a chance on Robbie Ray against the Padres or bank on Matt Shoemaker to give a near repeat performance of his 12 Ks as he faces the Astros. 

Day After Tomorrow’s Streamer 

Chase Anderson vs. Cincinnati Reds – There are only three considerable choices today, with the worst being Wade Miley against the the Twins.  The other two are Chase against the Reds, which is decent given Chase’s okay production lately and the Reds being, well, the Reds.  Also out there is Matt Moore against the Yankees, which definitely holds more upside as Moore has well underperformed his peripherals, but it’s a huge risk given his vast amount of clunkers this year.

Game of the Day

Lance McCullers vs. Kevin Gausman – Two young guns going at it as Lance tries to keep building off his first start and Gaus tries to show he’s better than Tillman.  At least he gets wins! That joke is dying a slow death, sorry y’all.

Nick Pollack

Founder of Pitcher List. Creator of CSW, The List, and SP Roundup. Worked with MSG, FanGraphs, CBS Sports, and Washington Post. Former college pitcher, travel coach, pitching coach, and Brandeis alum. Wants every pitcher to be dope.

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