Vibe Check: Weekend At Greinke’s

Zack Greinke, Merchant of Vibes.

Hello! Welcome to Vibe Check, a weekly roundup article where we just sit back, take a deep breath, maybe brew a cup of tea (chai if you have it), and just kind of take the temperature on what’s going on around Major League Baseball. So stretch out, light some incense, and let’s check the vibes.  

For whatever reason, the vibes this week trended towards the weekend. A heavy dose of “thank god it’s Friday” was coming through on some of the biggest moments of the week, as if the whole league just wanted to get home and start living their post-vaccine lives. Except for Zack Greinke, who had literally never experienced a non-Saturday in his entire life. 

Weekend Vibes

Didn’t We Just Do This?

Mere days after Joe Musgrove threw the first no-hitter of the season, Carlos Rodón went out and just did the dang thing again. When it was over, the guy was wiped, and it’s nearly impossible to see how he took the celebration and not instantly be a huge fan. 

The way he’s smiling as his buddies (everyone on a baseball team is friends always, right?) gas him up is absolutely classic “walking into the bar at the end of a tough week” vibe. 


Miss the Mets

Here’s a hot take: The New York Mets don’t want to go to work. We’ve faked a sick day before, but it’s a little harder for an entire MLB ballclub to call out. But the Mets aren’t just another ballclub. They’re the George Costanza of the MLB. Showing up to work every day doing nothing, but looking REALLY busy and angry the whole time. 

So far, only a little over two weeks into the season, and they’ve already missed SEVEN games. I know what you’re thinking; it’s not their fault the Nationals had a COVID outbreak, and it’s not their fault it snowed. My counterpoint: God hates the New York Mets. That’s not a secret. Everyone knows it, especially the Mets. If they wanted to miss some games due to acts of God all they’d have to do is keep being the Mets and it’d take care of itself. And that’s exactly what happened. 


Báez Goes Full Send 

On Tuesday, Javier Báez took a hopper to short, looked up, and decided today was the day he went full send. Sometimes, at the end of a long workday, you just gotta haul one up and pray it lands. 

It never lands, but you still gotta do it anyway. 


Mookie Wants to Go Home

That last hour of work is make-or-break for some people. Sometimes you just churn out some non-committal emails and hope you can steer clear of the inbox until Monday. Sometimes, like Mookie Betts on Saturday night, you have to bang out all the work you’ve been putting off for the week so you don’t get fired. Mookie took one look at the time and realized that extra innings (even with the dumb second-baseman rule) were going to cut into valuable bowling time, and that just wasn’t going to happen. 


Greinke Takes a Break(e) 

I’ve been told the above pun might not work as well as I hope it does. I’m gonna pull a Greinke here and do it anyway. Anyway. Zack Greinke, top-class Vibe Merchant, decided to just take it easy for a second during Monday’s game against Tigers and threw an immaculate 51mph four-seamer for a strike.

We will truly never see another like him. No athlete has so perfected the art of mixing a borderline psychopathic fixation with success and an “it’s just a game, bro, relax” mentality. 

This actually presents me with a great reason to release my first set of Vibe Check Rankings for the MLB Season, something that will hopefully become a running feature if I can remember to do it.


The Vibe Power Rankings 

  1. Zack Greinke, Merchant of Vibes.
    I don’t think this is questionable.
  2. Mr. Met, Purveyor of Truths and Enemy of God.
    The only active baseball mascot to have a secret family in Cincinnati.
  3. Juan Soto, Childish Bambino.
    His nickname is not a reference to Babe Ruth OR Childish Gambino – it’s to the Gambino Crime family. Juan Soto has been collecting rent on the Batter’s Box since 2015 through acts of intimidation and violence (towards baseballs.) 
  4. Fernando Tatís, Enemy of Boring Baseball.
    Every night, an unwritten rule wakes up in panic if tomorrow is the day that Fernando Tatís destroys it on national television. 
  5. Mookie Betts, Thriving Boston Divorcée Now Sunning In Los Angeles.
    He’s never been better (or richer), thanks for asking.
  6. Bill “Spaceman” Lee, Will Never Leave This List.
    Asked about mandatory drug testing, Lee once said, “I’ve tried just about all of them, but I wouldn’t want to make it mandatory.” 

Championship Vibes

How Are the Mariners?

The Mariners are currently 9-6, second place in their division, all without Kyle “The Logo” Lewis. The best value bet in baseball is quickly gaining steam. Book it now, while you still have time.

Ben Ellenberg

Ben lives in Los Angeles and is almost always thinking about Tony Gwynn stuff.

One response to “Vibe Check: Weekend At Greinke’s”

  1. Myles Nelson says:

    Childish Bambino is an absolutely amazing nickname and I hope it sticks.

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